Being Away From Home

Being away from home is a tricky thing. When I started college last September, I was so excited that I barely ever even thought of going back home. You see, for me, it’s really easy to detach myself from something and focus on another thing. When it came to starting school, I was determined to make new friends, learn great things, and have amazing experiences.

Even when my family tragedy (which I’ll decide to share with you guys some day) happened, even though it was a difficult time, I was able to focus completely on my schoolwork and my relationship. My friends, thankfully, always kept me busy as well.

But this summer, something (or more than one thing, actually) has changed. I went from focusing on schoolwork, Model United Nations, my friends, my boyfriend, and my work, to focusing just on work and my boyfriend. I’m living with him and his family during the summer and although I love all of them to death, being in a home that is not mine has caused me to become stressed and anxious. More often than not, I have missed going into my parents’ room and giving my dad a hug or talking to my mom about boys and gossip, and nerding out with my sister about books. I’ve missed my own personal space more than ever and–given my family situation–it has all been magnified.

Here’s the thing, though: even though I’ve broken down a year after the tragedy more times than I ever did during the months after it, I’ve learned so many things this past year, some things that I’m sad that most people my age don’t learn. Maybe I am older than most people my age now, with what I think but sometimes I feel like a little girl still who just needs her dad to hold her while she cries and reassure her that everything is okay.

i know many freshmen feel homesick, especially during those cold winter months where you have to tread through hail and snow to get to class, but I think it’s important to recognize that people grow and mature and change but that doesn’t mean they stop missing their childhood. I know my life will never be the same, I’ve slowly and painfully tried to accept that I’m still trying to. Life experiences make everyone a better person if they decide to take it as a learning lesson.

You must be thinking, why is this 19 year-old girl preaching about learning lessons, she’s barely lived a quarter of her lifetime. To that, I say: that’s so true. Many of the things I have lived recently should not happen and does not happen to most people. I don’t feel ready to share that story in this new blog but I promise one day I will. This post is mainly to express my thoughts about how difficult it has been for me to be away from home this summer and how sometimes I want to curl up in a ball and feel like this is all a dream.

I don’t know how to make being away better: I’ve always been an independent spirit and I’ve never minded being on my own–life just gives you lemons and either you drink it with vodka* and have a party or let them rot.

I choose to live.

I choose to party.

Love,

Patricia

*Note: I’m 19 and yes, that’s underage, BUT in PR, where I lived until last September and still visit several times a year, the legal drinking age is 18 so yes, I’ve had vodka and all that legally.

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